I've been just boiling up emotions until the last drop makes de cup fall.
Nothing is straight... It will not go easy, it ends to just kick me in the ass. And all I want to do is scream fuck! All the thoughts were the answers to put a bandage in the wound. But nothing prepares for the impotence.
Just crying to release all the emotions, so much of ego talk that takes over the body and mind no stop.
How to go back in the track when is fall after fall, even knowing that are important lessons, the pain is there. And escape from that whole, is a defense and automatic mechanism. But all of this is needed, the body needs it...
Anger is just the ego talk, and frustration is not getting what he wants. Not being enough, making mistakes that not make me perfect or trusted, not wanting to take with lectures without trying to understand or taking in account my side, not wanting to deal with emotions that are not mine, but I still feel them because I created in the first place because of mistakes. All this takes me back to the wounds of inner child, the teen that went to the shadows and lost herself in herself.
Changings over changings. Different realities crashing. The not beautiful part of being an individual. The decisions that need to be done, but the bag is so heavy.
That tingling thing saying to talk, let everything come out, don't shut up. But still you're with afraid to say your truth, to use your voice, to speak your pain. The voice comes out, but is distorced to the other reality, when all the defenses are exposed. Tears cleaning the soul, an body exausthed and powerless, all the words are coming out but fading in a choppy ocean.