The stagnated water hiding the bottom, all the boiling and suppressing emotions waiting.

Those damn ripples. Once they start, all the hidden parts start to rise. And it can end up falling apart. 

Foggy mind with strong emotions that come and go, but leave such deep marks on the flesh. 

Going from numb, to extase, to dissociation. Ending up with stupid decisions made out of fear and chaos. Lifting the dust from the dark corners, that hide and carry all the trauma. 

The versions of growing up that were so repressed, hurt, and living in fear of mistakes. Craving the air of the present, pressing the nails on my skin, blurring the numb version of myself.

It hurts. It's digging a hole. 

Already so exhausting acting like an adult with responsibilities, with a constant numbness driven by the adrenaline of touch of reality or fantasy.

Keeping all together is slowly fading away. 

My own cycle, consequences of actions. Remembering how that child felt, by the fear, by the names, by the healing, by never being perfect enough. 

Trying, but so drained of the silence that hurts more than cuts. 

Loliness that blurs the colors of the world. Pain that takes over the body and soul. 

I'm a broken person who when trying to fix things around, end up losing herself in the process.