You win, I'm starting to understand the real reality and it's fucking hard and hurts like hell, I'm lost!

I never thought that, the things will turn to be like this, dealing with the feelings and end up crying and fighting myself, the depression, not having motivation to cook or eat, the worst is knowing all and just can't move to change it because I'm scared, alone.

I know my goals, I'm trying to enjoy the opportunities, I want to feel that I'm living too.

What should I do next? Because I can't keep living feeling like this, but I also don't know how to fight this.

I'm doing the best I can, but isn't enought, I still feel like shit, too needy, too down. 

I feel like the little girl, that a few years ago open the door to the monsters and discover her dark side.

This pain, the frustration, the crying, I want to accept all of them and move on.

I want to smile again, be that girl with a simple smile and a kind heart.

So please tell me, because I believe that the things happen for a reason and coincidences are more that they look. 

What should I do next universe?

I'm on my own and I don't know how to deal with this by myself.