Messy, it's all a big mess right now. My head is bombarded with thoughts, my body wants to stay still, my soul cannot react. Dark side rising, making me stay in my little world. Sadness, anger, insurgency, numbness, worthless, stillness. The heart is slightly broken, the body scattered, the soul crying in despair. 

Finding the balance is hard, catching the light is too exhausting, talk with the shadow is terrifying. Get used to it, but not get used to it. I know I must face it, but I feel small, without voice, without strength, without myself. 

How many years passed that I truly faced the shadows in the eyes, that felt that cold in my spine, that tasted the blood running down the body. At first, I didn't want to accept it, then I couldn't speak about it until I made up my peace with it. But it's a part of me that I always put aside, that I preferred to ignore, instead of taking over and finding out how could help me.

So much easier to accept the light, than the darkness. Let me talk to you, but know that I'm fucking scared holding to so many feelings and memories. So fluid in the movements of my body, in contact with one of my true natures, enjoying the beauty and silence of the night. This power, this claw of being a woman, the secret side, all the crows, it was you all the time.

Namaste.